Monday, January 31, 2005

Happy Birthday Mama

In celebration of my Mom's 50th birthday (Wow!), I wrote her a poem. I've been in a monetary bind since I've finished school, like any new graduate, I presume. Entering the work force full, even half time is difficult. Its not stopping my search.

A few hours prior to her party on Saturday night, I locked myself in the bathroom to write this, as a way to explain what I couldn't tell her face-to-face about how I've been feeling lately. The stress of sudden unemployment and hopes of taking care of the house have begun to break my spirts, and I've kept to myself more as a need of personal distance while sorting out all of these issues.

I've always been the type to keep emotions to myself when I don't feel comfortable expressing them; in result, has put a strain on the relationship between us at times. We still love each other through all of our episodes of bickering, arguing, and silent treatments. To be honest, she's all I got.

Posted below is the poem I gave to her. This is a rare moment, for me, and this journal since this is the first time that I've posted any of my poetry in such an open forum such as this (so be nice and don't steal it, okay).


I have nothing 2 give

It’s such a special birthday for you
And I’ve been feeling kinda down
Knowing I can’t give you much
Has left me feeling quite pitiful

My current situation
Is one that I hadn’t hoped of
Has made me feel so powerless,
so weak,
so vulnerable
Like I’m being watched under a microscope

I feel so ashamed Mama
Cuz I have nothing 2 give

I had such high hopes for the future
To the point I had it planned
Down to how I was gonna help you out
The same way that Daddy has

An interruption wasn’t in the plans…

I apologize for being distant lately
Hate 2 say it – the real world stress is new 2 me
I’m trying 2 find a way to deal
And in the process I pushed you away
I was being selfish to how you feel

And it makes me upset
That I have nothing 2 give to you
Except my current burdens

I’m so ashamed that I have nothing 2 give
But my love, concern & affection
When you feel vulnerable I can be your protection
You & Dad took the years 2 guide me in the right direction
Now I can show you both the worth of your selection…

SNE 1/29/05

Monday, January 24, 2005

I'm an INFJ...what are you?

I just got finished taking this Myers Briggs Test (Justin, thanks for the link) the one that classifies you as an extrovert and such, and I'm an INFJ. That's short for Introvert-Intuitive-Feeling-Judging. Here's what its supposed to mean in plain English.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

The Birthday Rundown

January is straight ridiculous with all of these birthdays between of friends and family. Here's the list:

6 - Keshia (great cousin)
13 - Nashia (great cousin)
22 - Justin (friend)
23 - Rob & Roscoe (twin friends)
27 - Eric (my brother...nuff said)
28 - Alice (great aunt)
31 - Mom (the lovely lady that puts up with me), Brandon (friend), & Raphael (friend)

This is the result of having a big family and quite a few close friends. January (like July) is a hot month for birthdays! Actually there should be two more people on the list, but I choose not to speak to either one of them anymore (one's an ex-bf, the other an ex-friend; damn those exes!), but with all of the birthdays that I have to remember, can't avoid forgetting theirs. A bittersweet memory amongst the happiness. Anyway, Happy Birthday to everyone! Even the ex folks, I'll be nice this time...


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Lets get a few things out of the way...

Everyone knows how procrastinators can be...sometimes I belive that I am the queen of procrasination, even after graduation.
Merry Christmas! Happy B-day Cass! Happy New Year!


Since the oh-so-wonderful graduation day which honestly felt like a blur, here's what I've done (in a nutshell and random order):

-finished up my tenure as a student assistant at the DAAP Library on 12/30 They were a nice group of people to work with; very laid back and easy going like my gig at the Admin office which I am still missing right about now. :(

-dumped my short-term (5 weeks) boyfriend (please note: this was the first time that I ever dumped anyone...ever). Found out he had a child and he really wasn't trying to make our situation better by not calling me like he used to. I thought communication was key...maybe it was long ago when concepts like that existed. Something told me not to get "serious" with him and to be "nice" and get him a phone on my credit. Yep, that's my confession. Well, the account is in my name again and its currently suspended so I can take it over later meaning he has a phone with no service. And to think he had the audacity to call me yesterday and ask about what I did about the account and claimed I was salty that I got played?! Well, he's the one lacking a gf and happens to have a phone with no service. I wasn't about to be a backburner girl and get my credit messed up at the same time! When we were together, we agreed that he would keep up on the bill; somehow he thought that carried over to the post-breakup stage too. I'm glad that I left that fool in 04!

-enjoyed a New Year's hotel party thrown by a good friend of mines I came with two friends(a girl and a guy...they're in a long term thing) and stayed to kick it with my guy pal cuz my alky butt drank too much orange flavored gin and needed to sleep it off. I was aftraid to get into my friend's car with the possibility that I coulda puked. So kicking it with my buddy and some of his other friends in a nice hotel overnight didn't seem like a bad idea, and it wasn't. Especially when I woke up without a hangover. Too bad I can't say the same for my buddy; he was 'cracked' as he always says. Didn't make it home until 2pm, and with the house to myself all day made it that much sweeter. My Mom was over my Great Aunt's house again until late that night; actually she was gone the whole weekend! She did more partying than I did that weekend! :)

-had a good Christmas night and 26th (which would have marked my parent's 24th wedding anniversary if pops was here...*sigh*) over my great Aunt's house. It ended up being a slumber party of sorts, while my never ending quest of getting to the club went belly up. I found out that the nightclub closest to my house was open until 5am (most clubs in the stank Nati shut down at 2:30am) with it being Christmas night, and falling on a Friday night that made it even more tempting to go. After a few random phone calls to a few friends and one of my cousins, I just ended up relaxing and watched a few movies until I fell asleep.

-had the oportunity to actually do some post-collegiate interviewing inbetween the holidays...with no positive responses yet. I interviewed twice with the PLCH for two part-time positions downtown, but wasn't selected for either one. At least my application and resume stays on file for 6th months in the HR department. I guess that's a consolation prize. I also interviewed with Convergys in their corporate sector. As much as I want to be anti-corporate; its hard to avoid it at least once during the job search. Haven't heard back from them as of yet; the last I heard is that they're creating a new posion for the lady that's being promoted (and who's spot I hope to fill). in the meantime, I've been trying to find a job to keep the bills paid, with no success. My Mama said not to worry about it so much, and when someone does call me, that they'll all will call. I'm just waiting for that day to come.

-enjoying all this time relaxing after college. Most of the December days after graduation, with the exception of a few freakishly warm days near the end of the month, were obviously cold. Since I didn't schedule myself for many hours at the DAAP Library I spent my time watching more television, job hunting online, talking on the phone to friends, and working on my crocheted scarves. I just got finished with a navy blue and tan one I call my "ugly scarf" since it's big, warm and kinda ugly. At least it matches my fleece hat I bought from Old Navy. :) I thought about making more of them and actually selling a few. But I have to see if there is a need for them. Hey, its cold, and they keep you warm, plus they're handmade! Also, while figuring up color schemes for the next couple of scarves, I've been reading as well. I bought Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe prior to Christmas, but didn't begin reading it until the new year. Before that I read Sula by Toni Morrison after having it collect dust on my bookshelf. Sula was a good read, and so farThings Fall Apart is also;I feel good reading it after its been on my "books to read for fun" list for some years. I've been in the house more since I've been unemployed for the past few weeks to save a few bucks for groceries and necessities. I couldn't resist going out this past Saturday to Wally World to spend a few bucks on some more yarn to complete the "ugly scarf" and to pick out another book to read and a cheap vhs to watch. Just having free time in general is a strange animal to me, but in most cases have allowed me to get more hours of sleep per day, even through constant napping. Just yesterday alone, I took 2-3 naps. Actually I was wating for my guy pal to get back home so I could go and visit him. He never did call back yesterday on account of falling asleep.

So much for describing everything "in a nutshell" but that's all I've been up to since graduation.